I've always had what I considered a pretty happy & carefree life. I looked around and saw other people going through sickness and sadness. In the back of my mind I always wondered when it would be my turn. Last January at age 31(and almost 32) for the first time I experienced what it was like to lose someone that I truly loved when my Grandfather died. Yes, people I knew(although very few) had passed away prior to my Grandfathers death. But this was the first death of someone that I had made memories with and had a connection to. It was such a sad time in my life. I finally knew what it was like when someone you loved died.
Then excitement replaced the sadness of my Grandfathers death when I found out I was pregnant! How fitting that a year after his death we would invite a new little baby into out home. Little did I know the heartache we would be facing instead. Pregnancy went smoothly minus my "white coat syndrome" that would throw my blood pressure into a tizzy. I wouldn't argue that I didn't have some mild blood pressure problems but nothing major. I was observed several times at the hospital during my third trimester and my blood pressure and lab work there was always perfect. However we still agreed to be induced the evening before my due date.
Long story short(for now) I went into labor, and 12 hours later I was fully dilated and spent a hour and a half pushing trying to bring our daughter into the world and have a successful VBAC. The VBAC was not meant to be however because the babies heart rate wasn't stable and they wanted to get her out as soon as possible. After one last attempt at pushing I was whisked away into the operating room. Later I found our that when our daughter was born she was neither breathing nor was her heart beating. After three days in the NICU on a cooling blanket(used to minimize brain damage) Abby's body temperature was slowly brought back up to normal. It was then that our greatest fear came true. There was very little of Abby's brain that wasn't damaged and our baby would not survive.
Miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss - we probably all know someone that has experienced it. But we always hope and pray that it doesn't happen to us. And then it did. On January 28, 2016 after 15 days of life our little Abby Rose passed away. It's hard to believe sometimes that it hasn't even been a month yet since we've lost her. In a way it still feels like it was all a dream when in fact is it very much reality. There will be many more posts in coming days about the loss of Abby and about our life in general. With Abby's death I feel like a new chapter in our lives began. Despite the heartache of losing her I pray that this new chapter is filled with happy days and HOPE!
My goal isn't for my first blog post to be a sad one. Because life isn't meant to be lived in a state of sadness, worry or fear. I want this blog to always be about HOPE. Because I feel that no matter what life brings us there is always faith, hope and love. And when we are faced with the heartaches of life we can remember that Jesus loves us and is there ready to comfort and strengthen us. And we can ALWAYS have peace and rest in knowing that he wants what is best for us.
I Corinthians 13:13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
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